'Manning to Garcon' : What I learned from the NFL week 3

• The sky is falling in Tennessee. How is it Coach Fisher always finds shelter? I like 'Fish' a lot. Class act, great football mind. Maybe we couldn't do better... I don't know. I do know that even the most outspoken reporters in this town dare not blaspheme the 'Stache', for fear of going to hell. When I shit my pants, I change my underwear. Change isn't always bad.
• Brady Quinn learned that looks can indeed only get so far. Time to do what you were made to do BQ, join the cast of the new Melrose Place on the CW.
• The way Jemarcus Russell reads defenses makes my fairly damn certain I'd kick his ass in Madden.
• Ole' Gunslinger Brett Farve just shot everyone the bird. I get it, Brett. You still got enough in the tank to make 1 amazing play out of 200. It really was damn impressive.
• Marc Sanchez - I'm not gay, but I might would fuck you. Just sayin...
• Tom Brady - you're fucking out, Marc Sanchez is fucking in. Just kidding, Tom. I love to see you fired up. I also love when I can lip read your F-bombs.
• The Bengals gave the Steelers a shit sandwich with extra mayo.
  
• My Super Bowl pick is Baltimore.
• I'm gonna miss the shit out of Chad Pennington.
• Just when I thought 'Manning to Harrison' was the most annoying thing ever, along came 'Manning to Pierre Garcon'.
• Larry Fitzgerald's brother thought tweets were invisible.
• Congrats to the St. Louis Rams for entering the UFL by default.
• Washington Redskins, meet the team at HBO, we'll be setting up our cameras next July. Also, you really could have just created a bionic man with the money you paid Haynesworth, and you wouldn't have carry it off the field on a cart.
• I love the color green. Seattle made sweet monkey love to the color green.
• Jay Cutler solved the he problem from Good Will Hunting and left on the visiting team's locker room chalkboard, just because he could. He also lit them up like a cheap cigar.
• The Kansas City Chiefs just ranked in the BCS poll.
• Terrell Owens just goes with the plays that are called.
• Tony Romo has watched too many Brett Farve tapes.
• In the words of Chris Berman 'Daylight comes and you've got to Delhomme'. Translation: stop getting your haircut while wearing your helmet, and get the fuck outta Charlotte. Preferably during the early AM hours. Not much traffic at 3am.
• Schwartz fever has hit Detroit. Catch it. Best thing to hit Detroit since Robocop.
• Saints rock.
• Tampa Bay, the CFL called and they want Byron Leftwich back.
• The Texans need medication.
• The Bronco's are 3-0. (head spins around on neck)
  
• Phillip Rivers is a penis.

Never underestimate the power of the Schwartz! What I Learned from the NFL Week 2.

• Playoffs?! Playoffs?!. The Titans are the best 0-2 team in football and they're officially in trouble. The loss of Jim Schwartz is more devastating then the loss of Albert Haynesworth. (I really just wanted to make a Spaceballs reference). This Sunday versus the Jets might as well be the Super Bowl. Also, Chris Johnson looks like the Predalien.
• Speaking of the Jets, it doesn't suck to be Mark Sanchez. Rex Ryan reminds me of a cross between Fog-Horn Leg Horn and North Carolina prank phone call legend, Charlie Whisnut.
• Andre Johnson is a stud.
• Jay Cutler is who we thought he was! Cutler quote of the week, 'look guys, it's not rocket science, but if so, I'd be killing that shit'.
• After completing 24-26 passes, Kurt Warner would make an atheist want to believe. You see, Kurt Warner plays for Team Jesus.
  
• Frank Gore ran all over the Seahawks. Who cares? Oh, fantasy owners.
  
• I learned that a team could keep the ball for 46 minutes and still lose.
• Tampa Bay just realized what the rest of the country already knew, Byron Leftwich is their quarterback.
• Eli is poised. I know, weird right?
• The Cowboys are definitely America's team. Spends a lot of money, has a lot of debt, and yet can't get united.
• The Bronco's are the worst 2-0 team in football.
• The Brown's have the perfect name. They leave shit stains all over the field.
• The curtain may very well be closing on the Patriot's dynasty. Still doesn't suck to be Tom Brady.
• Nobody slept better than Marvin Lewis on Sunday night.
• If you try to catch a touchdown pass with your face mask, you will not have a job the next day.
• The Ravens are pretty bad-ass.
• The AFC West maybe the worst conference, if not, then the NFC West. Regardless, NFL in the West sucks.
• Phillip Rivers is a penis.

What I Learned From NFL Week One - Observations From An Average Fan

• The Titans still look good. Some weak spots, but nothing that can't get better as the season goes along.
• The Colts still scare and annoy me. I still feel total elation when Payton throws a pick. Oh yeah, I learned what '219 z fake crack post' is. Thanks Coach Dungy!
  
• The Texans still suck. Matt Schaub has no peripheral vision.
• Jacksonville needs a pass play or two.
• Mark Sanchez may very well be the 6th 2nd coming of Joe Namath.
• Big Ben will rip your heart out if you don't get pressure on him. Well, even then.
• Larry Fitzgerald - Palomalu is out... you're next. Don't fight it.
• The Seahawks destroyed the St. Louis Rams. Who cares?
• Samurai Mike may lead the 49's to the top of the NFC West.
• As much as I love Jay Cutler, and I do... he couldn't dodge the karmic boomerang. Also, Jay Cutler has elephant balls and will throw into quadruple coverage.
  
• Josh McDaniels got the better side of the karmic boomerang.
• The Bears are who we thought they were. Actually, not really. Urlacher will miss the year.
• I'm sad that the season finale of Hard Knocks aired last week, cause I'd pay some damn good money see the camera rolling in the locker room post-game yesterday.
• The Panthers need to get Jeff Garcia's phone number ASAP.
• The old gunslinger plays better when he doesn't have to fire as many bullets.
• Adrian Peterson probably has real horns. Like antlers.
  
• I heard the words, 'Baltimore' and 'offensive powerhouse' in the same sentence. Wait, what?
• The Giants are still awesome, but will fall for a fake field goal.
• I don't play fantasy football, but if I did I'd definitely have Drew Brees on my team.
  
• Tony Romo seems less stressed.
  
• The Lions will be much better... in 2010.
  

While there are still two more games to play tonight, I'll go ahead and lay it out.

• Tom Brady is still devilishly handsome.
  
• Phillip Rivers is a penis.
  

I Wanna Kiss You!

Thanks Joe!

So, I've been a fan of this legendary clip for awhile now.



What I did not know, was that somebody wrote a song about it. Awesome!

Vick-tory?

It's been over two years since Michael Vick took his last NFL snap. That is, until last night.



As a football fan, Madden player, and dog lover, I was devastated when the news broke that Michael Vick was involved in a dog fighting ring. Even more disgusted to find out the he himself participated in the (deep breath), killing of dogs. Okay let's stop there.

There was no player in the NFL as electrifying as Michael Vick. Often criticized for his inaccuracy and poor decisions, he was not considered a 'conventional' NFL quarterback. Regardless, I thought he threw some of the prettiest passes in the league, even if they did go to the wrong spot. No, Vick's strength were his legs. Something that kept the opposing defensive coordinators up at night. Oh yeah, and I definitely kicked some serious ass on Madden (as Vick), lighting up chumps and scoring into the hundreds.

(Sigh) So, I have to admit - it was good to see him on the field last night.

Not that my feeling comes without conflict. I am lover of dogs. I love spending time with them, training them. I also have a special affection for working with abused dogs, and have a love for pit bulls. Two of my neighbors have adopted pit bulls, both of which were abandoned in a nearby park probably because they wouldn't fight. Both had evidence of abuse. I also have a hound/pit bull mix that was abused and still has a BB in his chest from when he was a puppy. It breaks my heart. You can see the long term affects of the abuse in his mannerisms, although he's come a long way. Needless to say, the details of the Vick case sicken and anger me.

That brings us to the here and now. There are those that think Vick should never play football again, while others feel that he deserves a second chance. Where do I come out? Well, when the story first broke in '06 I would have said, 'hell no, hell fucking no'. That being said, although I'm still unable to reconcile his actions, I do believe he belongs back in football and in the NFL. Two years in jail and bankrupt, he's payed his price and he's starting over.

The NFL is Michael Vick's best chance for redemption and the most effective way to give back to society. It helps that Vick has folks like Coach Crocodile Dun-gee in his corner, and from all we can see thus far he seems remorseful. I don't want to make excuses for Vick, but you have to take into consideration how his past has affected him. Honestly, I don't know much about his childhood. However, both he and his brother Marcus have had run ins with the law, which leads me to believe that bad influences were in play. Again, I speak in ignorance and can only speculate.

All I can say now, is welcome back Michael. The NFL is a better place with you there. Now, honor this second chance, and honor the fans and supporters by not fucking up. Oh yeah, Madden is better with you too.