Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Never underestimate the power of the Schwartz! What I Learned from the NFL Week 2.

  • Playoffs?! Playoffs?!. The Titans are the best 0-2 team in football and they're officially in trouble. The loss of Jim Schwartz is more devastating then the loss of Albert Haynesworth. (I really just wanted to make a Spaceballs reference). This Sunday versus the Jets might as well be the Super Bowl. Also, Chris Johnson looks like the Predalien.
  • Speaking of the Jets, it doesn't suck to be Mark Sanchez. Rex Ryan reminds me of a cross between Fog-Horn Leg Horn and North Carolina prank phone call legend, Charlie Whisnut.
  • Andre Johnson is a stud.
  • Jay Cutler is who we thought he was! Cutler quote of the week, 'look guys, it's not rocket science, but if so, I'd be killing that shit'.
  • After completing 24-26 passes, Kurt Warner would make an atheist want to believe. You see, Kurt Warner plays for Team Jesus.
  • Frank Gore ran all over the Seahawks. Who cares? Oh, fantasy owners.
  • I learned that a team could keep the ball for 46 minutes and still lose.
  • Tampa Bay just realized what the rest of the country already knew, Byron Leftwich is their quarterback.
  • Eli is poised. I know, weird right?
  • The Cowboys are definitely America's team. Spends a lot of money, has a lot of debt, and yet can't get united.
  • The Bronco's are the worst 2-0 team in football.
  • The Brown's have the perfect name. They leave shit stains all over the field.
  • The curtain may very well be closing on the Patriot's dynasty. Still doesn't suck to be Tom Brady.
  • Nobody slept better than Marvin Lewis on Sunday night.
  • If you try to catch a touchdown pass with your face mask, you will not have a job the next day.
  • The Ravens are pretty bad-ass.
  • The AFC West maybe the worst conference, if not, then the NFC West. Regardless, NFL in the West sucks.
  • Phillip Rivers is a penis.

2 comments:

Matt said...

Holy shit, you're right! Predalien all the way.

And please, let's not talk about West Coast football. When the 49ers are the best team you'll see out here, there are real problems.

Unknown said...

Sorry. So very sorry.