Before I could even get the stands to watch the derby, I witness a girl get puked on during one of the rides. At this point my appetite is a goner, and I push quickly towards the bleachers. As we sit down and wait we are entertained by the drive by mullets, as well as the master of ceremonies who appears to be intoxicated.
(photo by Agnes Barton-Sabo)
Now, although I've never seen a demolition derby in person, I'm very aware of the concept. Not much to read between the lines on that one. What I didn't realize is that the cars already looked as if they had lost the derby. When the cars, or what's left of them rolled out, it looked as if somebody had raided the set of 'The Road Warrior'. Some drivers had no shirts but wore a helmet, others had a shirt but no helmet. Some smoked cigarettes, which was completely bad ass, albeit stupid. The lack of safety precautions in general was alarming, yet pretty fucking amazing.
I guess every 'sport' has it's stars, and the Demolition Derby is no exception. This night, the crowd favorite was easily, 'Joker II'. As soon as the pink and neon green station wagon rolled out, he owned the crowd. Not sure what happened to 'Joker I', but this guy got his name honestly. He was chaos and anarchy on wheels. His first move of the night was literally a show stopper, as he backed up and into some poor guy, ripping his opponent's roof off much like a opening a sardine can. What's even more amazing is that no one was injured. Decapitated, to be more specific.
(photo by Agnes Barton-Sabo)
Once the carnage was cleared, Joker's next move was equally as stunning. Running full speed in reverse across the length of the field, he plowed into some poor bastard then jumped over the log gate that was supposed to keep the cars inside. This move, like the other, almost claimed somebody's life. Thus, the Joker was ejected.
A disappointed crowd begin to chant, 'let him play', 'let him play'...
While everyone had thought they had seen the last of the Joker, you can only imagine the cheers of excitement when he later rolled out to compete in the final match. What happened next was one of the most amazing 15 minutes of my life. The 'Joker' unleashed an ass whipping of biblical proportion. While all the other drivers worked to demolish him, he could not be stopped. How that car still kept going is a mystery, and can only be explained as the will of one man. One man that was determined to fuck you up. With one wheel almost completely off, the Joker still maneuvered almost effortlessly. At one point, he struck the broken and axle of another car, almost flipping over; but, it was not to be.
Finally, two cars were left, the 'Joker', and some other poor motherfucker. As the crowd came to their feet, the 'Joker' and his opponent backed up and positioned themselves to go head to head. I have to admit, even after all that I had seen, I really didn't think they were that stupid. I was wrong, and within seconds the two cars collided head on. For several minutes following, billowing smoke was the only thing left to see, then a man arises from one of the cars. Raising his arms in victory, it was indeed the 'Joker'.
(photo by Agnes Barton-Sabo)
I'm not sure who this guy is, nor do I care to. Chances are if you meet him, it's not likely that you'll live to tell the story. I will say, to all those who plan to compete in other regional derby's - if you see a pink and green station wagon with the name 'Joker III'... think about your family. Go home and hug them.
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