Texts with Holly

My therapist told me I should blog more, but I don't feel much like talking tonight. So, I'm going to start a new segment called 'Texts with Holly', at least until I can write something of substance. My friend Holly likes rom coms and recently wanted to go see the movie 'The Vow'.



I thought it'd be funny to make up my own reviews to share.

* for mature audiences only

TALES FROM CARMAGEDDON - 'Ten Minutes with Tom'

Last time we left off, our courageous hero (me), was on a collision course with the event known as 'Carmaggedon'. Since then his blog has remained empty, leaving some folks to ponder his fate… until now.

Ghostcockroach presents...

TALES FROM CARMAGEDDON - 'Ten Minutes with Tom'

It was the year of the celebrity, 2011. As a lover of all things film and tv, my encounters this year has brought the inner hot dog eating, roller skating Brad child front and center. I've been straight geeking, yo. 

Brief sightings and encounters are awesome, but during the weekend of Carmageddon - I had one of the coolest experiences of my life. It's an experience known now as 'Ten with Tom'. It followed two other pretty kickass events - 'Ten with Rita' and '5 with Mary Kay Place'. Oh, and 'Awkward few seconds with Eugene Levy' was noteworthy as well. 

It all happened at McCabe's Guitar Shop in Santa Monica. It was a rare, but well deserved perk of the industry that I've chosen to work in - the music industry :( It's here I found myself in a corner conversing one on one with Tom Hanks. Ten minutes of uninterrupted conversation with perhaps the greatest actor of our generation, and somebody I have grown up watching on the small and big screen.

This full story is best told in person, as it involves animation, reenactments, and a brief role playing scenario. But, what I will do here is release rare photos from the night. 

After talking with Tommy, I couldn't resist getting my picture taken with Hollywood royalty. A somewhat simple task, right? Wrong…. wrong. It took several times to get a picture that I could actually show people. Here's how it all unfolded. 

Attempt # 1:

Point and click - easy. Well, that is if your smart phone is set to camera and not video camera. Watch as the hijinks ensue. 

Attempt # 2:

Okay - we've got it. Feeling good. I take a few pictures for some other people, then the Hanks and Levy crew say their goodbyes. As I sit down to look at the picture with me and Tommy - my stomach drops when I see this. 

Attempt # 3: 

WTF? You always snap two photos! I might cry - wait, I hear Rita still talking in the hallway. I'm pushing it now, but let's face it - I'll never get this opportunity again. I peek out in the hallway and Tom is texting. 'Hey, Tom? Can I get one with you and Rita?' Sure he says...

Attempt # 4: 

You always take two :) 

Then there is this... the blurry corner convo shot.

Look kids, Big Ben and Parliament...

I sat down with Brad Talley recently to talk with him about his upcoming LA trip. 

Interviewer: Brad, I understand you're traveling to LA this weekend.
Brad: Yes, that's correct!

(I): But, but, but, Brad - have you heard about Carmageddon?
(B): Yes, about a million f**king times.

(I): Oh goodness, Brad.
(B): …….

(I): Can't you go another time? Do you have to go now?
(B): Yes, but I still have to go this time.

(I): Why, why do you have to go this time?
(B): Because of work. I have artists playing shows.

(I): Oh, man - okay. Why did you do that?!
(B): I didn't, these were booked before we knew about this.

(I): Some reports say that traffic can be backed all the way to the Mexican border!
(B): …..

(I): Some say to the moon!
(B): ……

(I): Did you know there is a web-
(B): Shut the f**k up.

(I): There's also a twitter page… called Carmageddon.
(B): ……..

(end transcript)

Activate dynothrusters...

If you haven't seen the story about the Southwest pilot unknowingly jibber jabbing over the air traffic control channel, then just watch the video below.

(warning - heed the warning)


Okay, so now we're all caught up.

As a 36 year-old fellow, I'm a realist and a pessimist. In other words, nothing much shocks me - hell, I work in the music industry, it's has more villainy and scum than the Mos Eisley Cantina. Yet, this video, it shocked me. Just when I though all naivety was gone, this caught me off guard.

I don't mind flying. In fact, I rather enjoy it. There have been times it freaked me out, but as I get older the less anxious I've become. And, there's always drugs.

I've always thought of pilots being distinguished, a little better than me. Sure, they have their flaws, but you're surely supposed to be focused in the cockpit - doing smart stuff. You know, math and shit. Much like how I imagine a surgeon. A superior mind with physical reflexes and precision, doing the job that I can't do.

I'm not sure what freaked me out more, to hear the pilot talking like this, or the simple fact that his dumbass hit the wrong switch. He cluelessly babbles away, while cutting off communication between air traffic control and the other aircraft flying around trying to land.

They can't all be Good Ole Capt'n Sully, Hero of the Hudson, right? But, they could at least be a little better than Hollywood and Wolfman from Top Gun.



In other Southwest related news, if you fly with them this month, be sure to read the Spirit Magazine. One of my artists, The Apache Relay are featured as one of the forty up and coming artists.

How you like them apples?

Normally - trips to NYC are pretty spectacular. However, last weeks work based adventure provided more stressful moments that peaceful ones.

In the end, the energy of the city and the company of good friends turned my frown upside down.

Sunday, I took a nice walk across the Brooklyn Bridge, over to ground zero, then down through the financial district to Battery Park. It was there that I found myself on the set of Men In Black 3, and yes I saw Will Smith, and Jada :) After that, I popped up to Tribecca so I could snap a shot of the Ghostbusters firehouse.

A good day, indeed.

NYC Summer 2011

Happiness is...

I can't tell you how much I love this video. The coughing, the impact of the fall, the fact that the beat never stops, the snoring mixed with the death rattle cough. Hell, just the wallpaper or wood paneling, or whatever the hell it is.

This is the cure for any bad day.

The Return...

After a long hiatus from my blog, I've decided it's time to come back. Like when Tony Almeida came back on 24.

Here's a little of what I've been up to...

Hey Buddy! You need whole new parts buddy!

Every now and then, I get to enjoy the aspect of my job that brought me to this place to begin with, the music. Tonight, I’m enjoying a rare moment of just sitting and listening. No drama, just checking the record for any strange glitches and faux pas. Throw in some Bombay Sapphire, and you have a hell of an evening.

I’m not allowed to say what I’m listening to just yet, as this would surely show up in somebody’s Google alert, and my loose lips would have sunk a ship. Mine. I will say that I’m listening to one of the greatest songwriters of our lifetime, and right now it’s easy to see why.

Since I have some time, I figured I’d catch up on my blogging. I have so much I’d like to jump into, but the music tonight is sort of dictating the content. In other words, not the right time to tell you if I think Jay Cutler is a pussy willow or not.

No, the sounds tonight feature tales of love, and love lost - relationships that have ended, and others that have yet to begin. Including the pain that surrounds all of that. I’m not sentimental just yet, but it does tap into something I’ve been thinking about over the past week. That is that I have some wonderful people in my life right now.

To that sentiment, have you ever wondered what your process of selection is for those that you surround yourself with? Of course, some people are related, and some just happen to occupy the same space with you, albeit a job or some weird roommate you get stuck with. Not to diminish those relationships. But still, even among family and co-workers – you vibe with some more than others.

Maybe I’m over analyzing, but I’m realizing that I use humor as a way of finding those I love. My closest friends (a small group) have one thing in common – a great sense of humor, topped off with an outstanding laugh. Nothing makes me happier.

In my experience, a good laugh can tell you a lot about a person. A strong laugh is a sign of security and confidence, unless it’s a fake one. But, you can usually catch those. A good laugh usually comes with the ‘what you see is what you get’ personality. Granted, sometimes that visible personality can be that of an asshole. Still, there’s no hiding.

There’s nothing I’d rather do than sit with my friends and laugh. You know who you are, and I appreciate and love everyone of you.

Okay, the record is almost over. Perfect timing…

Not pictured, but thinking of Jessica S, Bendte, and most recently Daina. Oh, and Jilly Bean and Houck Finn. 

We're putting the band back together...

 

In 2010, Nashville’s Awesome Paranormal Society (NAPS) embarked on its first investigation. In a combined investigation with NADS, (North Carolina’s Awesome Demonic Seekers), ten of us set sail for Louisville, KY and its infamous Waverly Hills Sanatorium.

Now, it’s official. We’re heading back in 2011…

The fact that I’ve intentionally spent the night in what is considered one of the most haunted places in the world has garnered a variety of reactions. From fascination, to hibby jibbies and shock - it can definitely be a conversation starter, or stopper. More so, I think folks are intrigued that I’d want to do this. Either they don’t believe, and think it’s a waste of time and money, or they do believe and are genuinely afraid to mess with the unknown or paranormal.

You may have seen my four part mocumentary about our trip, however, I’ve never taken the time to talk seriously about my experience and my reasons for wanting to do this. Now that we’re prepping for our return trip, I figure it’s a good time.

I’ve decided that perhaps it’s best if I interview myself. That way, I’ll provide myself with an opportunity to answer some of the questions I tend to get.

INTERVIEWER (me): Brad, what in the world would make you want to do something like this?
BRAD: My reasons for wanting to do this are pretty simple. I mean, you’ve seen The Goonies haven’t you? Seriously, it’s just sort of a fun adventure, one that speaks to my inner child. Five of us in the group are hometown friends, and we pretty much grew up together. As kids, we’d spend our time together going on ghost hunts. Granted, it was usually in our own houses, but it was still a blast.

INTERVIEWER (me): I have to assume that you enjoy watching shows on the paranormal, such as ‘Ghost Hunters.'
BRAD: Absolutely, ‘Ghost Hunters’ in particular is where I first heard about Waverly Hills. I was having a conversation with my friend, and fellow GH fan, Neilson Hubbard, and he mentioned to me that you could actually go stay the night there. After a year or so of talking, we finally made it happen.

I'm most certainly intrigued by paranormal shows. ‘Ghost Hunters’ being the main one.  I’m a fan of old buildings anyway, and I just loved that these guys and gals would walk around in the dark searching for paranormal activity. I thought it would be so cool, but at the same time wondered if I could even do it without getting really freaked out.

I was also fascinated by their experiences. Obviously, this is television, and I’m well aware that things can be fake. But, what if they weren’t? Some of the evidence is indeed compelling. I just needed to try and have my own experiences.

INTERVIEWER (me): So, would you say you were a skeptic or a believer?
BRAD: Oh, very skeptical. But, why not go and see for yourself? Like most people, I’ve heard ghost stories all my life. A lot of these stories have come from some of the smartest, trustworthy people I know. Others not so much. I’ve had friends who have had experiences, and I had my own years ago that I’d sorta written off over time.

I think because I chose to go do this, people assume that I believe in ghosts. That’s not true, not in the classical sense at least. Again, if you could go somewhere and experience something paranormal, why wouldn’t you?

INTERVIEWER (me): I think a lot of people are cautious to mess with things that they can’t understand. Would you agree?
BRAD: Sure, I can understand and respect that. There’s a part of me that gets concerned I’ll experience something that I can’t quite process. However, while I’m open to idea of paranormal activity, at least in a scientific sense, I’m not as open to the idea of Patrick Swayze coming back to help protect Demi Moore.

INTERVIEWER (me): When you say you’re open to paranormal activity in a scientific sense, what does that mean exactly? Explain that for our readers.
BRAD: Well, as I mentioned earlier, I don’t really believe in ghosts in the classical sense. What I mean by that is, I don’t necessarily believe  a ‘ghost’ would be any proof of a spiritual afterlife. I am open to the idea that there are things going on that I, as a human being can’t quite sense or comprehend. For example, the human eye is limited to a small portion of the electromagnetic spectrum. The ear as well has a limited range of frequency.

Let’s be clear though, in saying this, I’m not trying to say that 1) I believe in ghosts, and 2) any of what I’m saying would explain why if they did exist, they would be hanging out at this sanatorium. The truth is - I just don’t have a freaking clue.

INTERVIEWER (me): Okay, okay - so you don’t necessarily believe in ghosts, but you’re open to accepting that there are things you don’t understand.
BRAD: Right. I believe in what is real and I believe in science. At the same time, I’m in no way arrogant enough to think I have it all figured out either. The reality is, the experiences we have or don’t have will be ours. Maybe we catch some interesting evidence like we did last year.  Perhaps other people see apparitions this time. Regardless, we’re not going to unravel the mysteries of the universe, we’ll just be left with more questions. Again, why not go? If you told me I had a good chance of seeing a UFO at mile marker 51 on I65, I’d go.

INTERVIEWER (me): How about we talk about your last visit? You actually had some personal experiences, and caught some strange things on tape, right?
BRAD:

The Sanatorium itself is just ominous. When you pull up, you can’t help but be in awe of the building. It’s dark and brooding, and it just seems alive. Not in a ghostly sense, but you can feel the history of the building. It’s almost as if it’s breathing.

Honestly, that night, it didn’t feel that scary. Creepy? Sure. I get creeped out in my own house in the dark, so to be in a dark abandoned tuberculosis hospital where 60,000 plus people died is naturally a little eerie. But, all in all, nobody was terrified or scared. It didn’t quite give me that hair on the back of my neck sorta feeling I would have expected.

There were several personal experiences throughout the night, but for the most part, we wrote them off. It was dark, and it was very easy to accept that your eyes were playing tricks on you. Most of the group was made up of skeptics, but the two most skeptical both saw apparitions. One guy was standing in a room on the 5th floor by himself, turned around and saw somebody standing in the corner of the room. My cousin, Matt saw the infamous ‘creeper’ ghost on the 4th floor.

There were a couple of sounds. Three of us were in a room when we heard what sounded like a lady clearing her throat. Another person heard a woman moaning. There were a few that claimed to have been touched, mainly on their ankles, which is something that is commonly reported there. There were definitely a couple of shadows from time to time. I did see a flash of light that I didn’t mention, and later in the night somebody else described seeing the same type of flash. Again, we dismissed a lot of these experiences, and honestly they were probably nothing.

There was one bit of evidence that we discovered on site that was interesting. Several of us were recording a lot of audio throughout the night. During an on-site  playback we discovered our first EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomenon). We didn’t hear it at the time, but when played back, you can hear what sounds like children singing. Spooky, eh?

INTERVIEWER (me): But after you guys got home, you discovered more, right?
BRAD: Yeah, it was a few days later and I get a call from a fellow NAPS member. He’d been listening to some of the audio he recorded and found something he wanted me to hear. It was shocking, honestly. He and two more were in a room on the 3rd floor doing an EVP session, when you hear what sounds like two footsteps and a disembodied voice say what clearly sounds like ‘whore’. They didn’t hear it at the time.

So, I got to thinking. I didn’t record much audio, and I didn’t hear anything on that - but, I did record some video which also records audio. It’s best to watch the ‘Reveal’ episode of NAPS, but I had captured two really strong EVP’s.

INTERVIEWER (me):  How did you react to that?
BRAD: Shocked, absolutely shocked. These two were pretty strong. There were a few more, but they were just too questionable to post. In other words, I could debunk if I wanted. These two were harder to dismiss.

INTERVIEWER (me): How so?
BRAD: Well, you’d have to watch the clips first, but trust me - I spent several late nights trying to debunk. I slowed down the audio, went frame by frame. I spent many hours with the clips.

INTERVIEWER (me): Wow, that’s pretty fascinating. Does this mean that you’re a believer now?
BRAD: Eh, no and yes. If anything, it makes me more excited to go back. I can’t explain the footage, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t an explanation. But, even still - that explanation may involve the paranormal. I have no clue. That’s why I want to have more experiences. I think we’ll all approach the night a little differently, more seriously than before.

INTERVIEWER (me): Will it make it scarier than before? Now that you have this initial sort of evidence.
BRAD: I don’t think so. The clips themselves don’t make my feel frightened, more intrigued than anything.

INTERVIEWER (me): Alright, well we look forward to talking with you following your next visit. When will that be again?
BRAD: We’ll be going back May 30th.

INTERVIEWER (me): Sounds exciting, Brad. We appreciate you taking time to sit down and discuss your experience in a little more detail.
BRAD: Absolutely, my pleasure. I appreciate the interview.

INTERVIEWER (me): That’s Brad Talley, co-founder of NAPS, Nashville’s Awesome Paranormal Society. For more info on NAPS, and to hear more stories from their first visit to Waverly, check out NAPS: The Complete Series on ghostcockroach.blogspot.com.

Ex-squeeze me? Baking powder?

Here we go - the first post of the new year. I’ve decided to stick with my theme of being more personal, and after much thought, I’m choosing to start off the year with one of the most personal of all posts.

It’s something that very few people know about me, and most people that do know have only found out in the past year or so. Can you believe that, something that people don’t know about me? I mean, I am sorta known for not having a filter. And, no, it’s not my cervical rib. The big reveal is this, since I was 11 years old, I have been struggling with obsessive compulsive disorder. Yep, OCD.

One reason I’ve never told many people, is that it’s very difficult to explain this the effects of this disorder. In a lot of ways, the seriousness of OCD has been diminished throughout the years. In fact, it’s almost become a joke. Anytime somebody repeats a process or a question, they quickly throwout, ‘that’s just my OCD’. Well, maybe, but not likely. Even if someone is really suffering from OCD, those on the outside can’t see the complex and grueling mechanism that is happening internally. It just comes off as more of a nervous tick or the result of too much caffeine.

As I’ve grown older with the disorder, I’ve experienced a wide variety of the damage OCD can do. In the past, I’ve found comfort learning about other people’s experiences, so I figured it may be time for me to open up a bit.

That said, here goes…

When I was 11, I started feeling the need to say ‘excuse me’, or ‘I’m sorry’ for every little thing I did, even if it wasn’t warranted. Not only did I feel this insanely strong urge to say it, I also felt the urge to repeat it over and over until I felt comfortable that somebody heard me. Or, that I said it in the right way. It eventually just developed into one phrase - ‘excuse me, I’m sorry’, or the variation ‘I’m sorry, excuse me’. I was already an annoying brat, and this didn’t help my mom’s sanity.

As I progressed into my teens, I started getting more of what’s now considered the classic symptom of washing my hands repeatedly. I just could not get them ‘clean’. I would wash them at least twice, usually more. I would be convinced that I didn’t get this one spot, an invisible spot, which constantly changed with each hand washing. So, I’d keep washing over and over till it ‘felt’ clean. I’d even just apply the soap to that particular spot.

It wasn’t just a my exterior that felt unclean, it was also my interior. Growing up in a church environment is easy prey for OCD. Let’s face it, it’s already a similar cycle. Sin, feel guilty, repent, feel better. Again though, this manifested into something more. Instead of putting my sins in a sack and repenting all at once, I felt the strong desire to do this every time I sinned. Of course, even that is subjective, but I made sure I was accountable for everything. Every curse word, every dirty thought, just thinking a curse word was bad. You can’t imagine the anxiety and guilt I felt over the normal teenage act of masturbation.

I came up with new phrases to say aloud, although these were more mumbled. At any moment I felt I had sinned or done something inappropriate, I would quickly ask for forgiveness. ‘Please forgive me, Lord, I’m sorry’ and it’s variation, ‘I’m sorry, Lord, please forgive me.’ This went on for years my friends.

When I was 16, I had my first anxiety, or panic attack as they’re called. You never forget your first, right? If this was an earthquake, it would be the equivalent of California breaking off into the Pacific ocean. I won’t recount the whole story, but the anxiety manifested itself physically in a way I had no idea was even possible.

It would be at least a year or two before I began to feel normal again. The year following was filled with aftershocks, smaller panic attacks, most likely brought on by fear of a panic attack itself. I think I missed the maximum number of days you can miss in a school year and not fail. I would often start to have an attack while driving to school, only to turn around and go back home. Eventually I would learn how to handle and cope with these attacks, but it was one of the more challenging things I’ve ever gone through.

It was in this time that I was first diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, and the first time I’d ever heard the term, OCD. Just understanding or knowing what these things were brought a little comfort, but no treatment ensued.

Over next several years, the OCD remained present in my life. Sometimes worse than others, but always there. I broke deadbolt locks, because I couldn’t stop locking them. Even after I would turn the lock, I would continue pushing and pushing until I felt okay enough to walk away. Same with light switches. I would flip them off, then continue to press down until the urge subsided. I would break the clicker on my car, because I couldn’t stop clicking the locks. I had trouble with the refrigerator door too. I just couldn’t settle myself that it was fully shut. Oh yes, I did continue to wash the shit out of my hands.

Among other things, I refused to touch door handles, flushed the toilet with my foot, held my breath in crowds of people, and all of this just became normal. Somewhat manageable, in fact. For years I was afraid of food, and I would have you, or somebody look at my chicken or beef multiple times to make sure it was okay. That sucked.

On a scale of one to ten, the urges would fluctuate throughout the years. Sometimes they would rage, but sometimes I would hardly notice. I had routines, and those routines were mostly something I could keep hidden.

As I mentioned, the disorder grows with you. It’s arguable to say that I’ve matured, but what little I have, OCD has matured with me. To have lived with OCD for so long, I was still unaware of the damage it could do. Then, a few years ago, it brought the pain - much like Clubber Lang in Rocky III. I’ll reserve the details to the select few that helped me through this time, but it would indeed be the most difficult time of my life.



Until that point, II didn’t fully realize the complexity of the the disorder. Not only can it make you think you have germs on your hand, but it can also make you fully believe that you’ve done things you’ve never done. More so, that you’d be capable of doing these things. It was the most exhausting, grueling, and menacing things I’ve ever had to deal with. I can’t ever imagine taking my own life, but I truly did want to die. It took years to heal - years, and I’ll never be quite the same.

Since dying really wasn’t an option, all I could really do was fight, and fighting meant finding help. It took awhile, but I eventually discovered that there was an OCD clinic at Vanderbilt. It’s not something they really advertise, but it’s sorta like The A-Team - if you need them, and if you can find them, then they will fuck your OCD all up. By the way, that’s two Mr. T references for those that are counting.

My experience at the OCD clinic has indeed been life altering. I also learned that I was really good at being OCD. So good, actually, that I was asked to be a case study for residents at Vanderbilt. It was a horribly embarrassing experience that lasted several months, but there was no way I could pass up the opportunity to directly or indirectly help anybody that suffers with OCD.

That’s the real reason behind this post. At some point, this blog may help someone who is dealing with OCD. If nothing else, maybe it will just bring some awareness among those of you that frequent the ‘roach.’ Hell, it may just make you afraid of me, but that’s a chance I’ll have to take.

With help, I’ve learned to co-exist with the disorder. I continue to be treated, and while it’s not something that completely dissipates, I learned to cope and to manage. I still have some of the urges, but I don’t engage them. Life is a better place these days.

If you do suffer with OCD, or just want to discuss further, feel free to email me. Better yet, buy me some whiskey. I do love the whiskey.

Click here to learn more about OCD.

Don't fight it, Curtis.

I can’t believe it’s the end of another year. I’ve always heard that the years fly by as you get older, and it’s true. I’ve got my aviator glasses on and doing a few barrel rolls right now.

I’m already seeing some ‘best of’ lists, and I figured since I’m hanging solo on Christmas, I should go ahead and get this done so I can just party all next week. I’m not going to refer to my list as ‘best of’. I do work in the music industry, but I’m no taste maker. These are simply some of ‘my favorite’ things of 2010.

Without further ado…

Let’s start with music.


Mumford and Sons – Sigh No More

This will most likely be showing up on many ‘best of’ lists of the year, and it very well should. Before the Mumford bandwagon left the station, I had started to hear their name amongst a few of my music city peers. I’ll admit, it’s hard for me to buy music these days. Well, let me clarify. It’s hard for me to take a chance on new music these days. Sort of indicative of the industry itself, but that’s another conversation.

So, okay – I confess. I downloaded the record for free. Initially.

I’ll just say it. It hands down one of the best albums I’ve gotten in the past 5 years, probably 10. Hell, it might be a desert island CD for me. It’s just the embodiment of what I love about music. It’s emotive, soulful, hopeful, and genuine. It has an honesty and rawness that just connected with me instantly.

In fact, I loved it so much, that I deleted it and went and purchased it on itunes. Again, I’d say that's indicative of the music industry right now.



The National – High Violet

Where Mumford connected with me instantly, The National’s new release slowly worked its way outside in, much like its predecessor, ‘The Boxer’. Once High Violet does begin to gain traction, it’s like learning a secret handshake to a special club - a rewarding one at that.

Because I loved ‘Boxer’, I had no trouble purchasing this record immediately (digitally). I also recently bought the expanded edition of the record, making it the first physical CD I’ve bought in probably at least 6 or 7 years. I also bought tickets to see them live. Suck, music industry.



Johnny Flynn – Been Listening

I mentioned Johnny recently in another blog. My friends and neighbors at Thirty Tigers are working this release, and I first heard it pumping downstairs at Grimey’s record store.

Something about the first track just grabbed me. It was different and infectious. Needless to say, I quickly ran up and snagged a copy from the Thirty Tigers vault. It doesn’t disappoint.




Vampire Weekend – Contra

A wonderful continuation of their earlier self-titled release, Contra is a quirky, fun record. For me, it’s a quick jaunt through the fair. It doesn’t provoke deep emotions, and I don’t think it intends to. It’s perfect to listen to while working and exercising. Hell, it’s perfect for most occasions.



Yeasayer – Odd World

I f**king love this record. Not sure how to explain, and its admittedly not usually my cup of tea. I saw them perform this year as a part of Next Big Nashville, (although they hail from Brooklyn, NY), and they just sort of burned the place down.

Just to note, I paid for this record as well. Emusic is a great way to explore and invest in new music.




Okay, lets move on to the theater…

Honestly, it’s rare that I go to the movies these days. Rising ticket costs and a better home experience can do that to someone in their mid-thirties.

Granted, there are still many movies of 2010 that I’ve yet to see. Many of which I’m sure are deserving to be written about. Again, I’m not a taste maker, and this isn’t a list of Oscar worthy movies. More just fun.


The A-Team

Oh, man. It’s so bad, and so good. As a child that watched the original series as a kid, I couldn’t resist seeing this one at the theater.

The bad, well – it’s just ridiculous. Not much more to say. The good, well – it’s just ridiculous.

It keeps the spirit of the show, and it’s perfectly cast. Bradley Cooper is great as ‘Face’, and Sharlto Copley as ‘Murdock’ takes the movie over the edge for me. Liam Neeson is Liam Neeson, and Quintin ‘Rampage’ Jackson plays the iconic ‘BA’ perfectly. Better than ‘Mr. T’ himself, actually.

Don’t fight it people. Kiddy pools are still fun, and they’re shallow.





The Town

This is a tough call. I really liked this movie, despite my distaste for one Benjamin Affleck. It does seem to me that Sir Ben does his best work off camera and in the director’s chair. Perhaps that’s what made this work.

I say it’s tough call just because I don’t want to give it too much credit. It’s really good, but I’m old enough to have seen ‘Heat’ at the theater, and you sir, are no ‘Heat’.

It’s a great crime drama for a younger generation, and a great way to spend an evening. Damn, those masks were creepy.





Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 1.

This is the first Harry Potter movie in years that I haven’t seen at midnight. One reason being that our beloved IMAX Theater is now closed due to the Nashville flood of 2010. The other reason, well, I have to blame the ‘Half-Blood Prince’. I could write a whole essay on why I despise ‘HPP’, but let me just say – two thumbs down. For a series that has done a great job adapting book to film, I was baffled by some of the choices made in ‘Half-Blood’. It left a bitter taste in my mouth and took the wind out of my Harry Potter sails.

I’m happy to report that Deathly Hallows does deliver, and it seems that the series will go out on the high note it deserves. I was wary of another David Yates directed Potter, but it does seem as if he’s hit the mark for the finale.

Also, I love a fall Harry Potter movie, much more than the summer release.




True Grit

The Coen Brothers are hit and miss with me, Jeff Bridges isn’t. I don’t know that the movie is worthy all the high praise it’s getting, but it definitely doesn’t suck.

Mr. Bridges is stellar as always, and Hailee Steinfeld is quite good as well. Matt Damon barely out acts Glenn Campbell here, but Josh Brolin’s voice makes up for that.






And, on the small screen…

Dexter

It’s rare for a show to get better every year, but Dexter continues to deliver. I honestly didn’t think they could top last year, and while they didn’t necessarily outdo themselves, season 5 very much held its own.

Julia Stiles’ character was a surprisingly wonderful addition, and Peter Weller stole every scene he was in. In fact, my only complaint is that there was not enough Robocop.



Eastbound and Down

It was a long wait between seasons for fans of the now legendary Kenny Powers. Let’s be honest, would anybody want the task of trying to follow up season 1? It is perhaps the funniest and raunchiest 3 hours of television ever made.

Well, I don’t care to compare. Kenny Powers cannot disappoint. Throw in a little Stevie J., Michael Pena, and Don Johnson, and you’ve got a whole new set of one liners to recite.

(warning: F-Bombs)

Grab some popcorn...

Let me just say, I love You Tube - especially for music.  Don't get me wrong, I love to watch people pull g-forces, eat peppers, and punch each other in the face. I watch those things a lot. I also love 'fail' videos.

But, back to music. How awesome is it that I can watch live performances from the 50's and 60's. Buck Owens, The Doors, rare Steely Dan - it's all a search and click away, and it's pretty amazing. Such a great way to connect with artists and their music.

That said, I thought I'd post a few videos I've been digging lately. I could try and make this a weekly segment, but I would just fail miserably. I will however try to to do this from time to time.

I've been enjoying Yeasayer's Odd World album since catching them at Next Big Nashville a few months back. I recently came across this video for 'Madder Red' on another blog. Seeing it's my favorite track on the record, and the video has Kristin Bell in it - well, I can't believe I've missed it.

I still love the song, but this video sorta messed me up. Kinda like that MIG did 'Cougar' in the opening scene in Top Gun. How can something be so odd and yet make me cry. (Whew) Dammit, man. You've been warned.



Mark Knopfler is kinda like Sex Panther to me (Ron Burgundy reference). Sixty percent of the time, it works every time. The stuff of his I love, I really love. Both with Dire Straights and as a solo artist. I had the pleasure of seeing him at the Ryman years ago, and it was one of the best shows I've ever been to.

His first non-soundtrack solo release was 'Golden Heart' in 1996, and to me it's right up there with 2001's Sailing To Philadelphia'. The stand out songs are the title track, 'Golden Heart', and the closing tune, 'Are We In Trouble Now'. I think Randy Travis had a hit with his own version of that song.

Not many musicians make me want to play these days, but Mark is one that does. That rumbling vocal and his fat, warm guitar tone just make me want to pick up an instrument and join in. He has a call and response quality to his solos, and the chordal phrases that he does like at (2:48) just slay me. They really do.   

This one didn't want to embed, so just click the image and you will magically be transported.

My lovely neighbors at Thirty Tigers have been working this new Johnny Flynn record, 'Been Listening'. I first heard it downstairs at Grimey's and immediately headed up to swipe a copy.

It's always interesting to finally put a visual on the music. This isn't what I was necessarily picturing, but it all makes sense now. Such a great tune.



I think this video is a few years old now, but if you haven't seen it then take a moment. It's a great tune, but this video makes me laugh so hard. Bloody brilliant.



Okay, this did hit Deadspin today. Not a music video, but the music takes it to the next level.

The Bears are who we thought they were...

I have an overinflated opinion of myself. Not really in any sort of arrogant way, I’m pretty self-deprecating actually. (Read my previous post about self-confidence.) No, this is more so a feeling that I have more importance and affect on people’s lives than I really do. It's wishful thinking perhaps. 

For those of you that keep up with my blog, you know that the last few posts have been a little more personal than usual. Several reasons play into that. One, I really want to blog more. Not just more frequently, but I want to write with more meaning, more substance. Some of the recent inspiration has come from great conversations with friends that I love dearly. Other inspiration has been found with more distant acquaintances daring themselves to open up in their own blogosphere. 

For the most part, I’ve gotten some amazing responses to my last few posts. I’ve made some deeper connections with friends, and reconnected with old ones in familiar ways that make us remember our importance in each other’s lives. I’m so fortunate for those relationships. I don’t really believe in an afterlife, but if there is one, (spoiler alert) I hope we meet up like the castaways on Lost – that would be awesome.

I think another reason for the more personal posts is that I feel a little broken right now. Don’t be worried, this wouldn’t be the first time. Lately my mind has just been swirling with thoughts, feelings, worries, and fears that I can’t quite process. I’m feeling vulnerable, distant, and numb. Usually when this happens, my first instinct is to withdraw. Yes, pretty much like a turtle going into its shell. Well, this time is no exception. My head and limbs are trying to retract, and I’m trying to fight it, but it’s hard.

In a moment of feeling venerable, I felt that I had exposed too much about myself. In haste, I deleted my twitter account. Yes, I’m twit-less. I used to promote my blog there, but the reality is, that was too much for me. While some folks connected with me, I think some begin to feel differently. In other words, I think I freaked some folks out.

I’ve recently reconnected with a few people from my past. Mind you, these are people that I haven’t talked to in years. When I say years, I mean ten or more years to be specific. More like fifteen to twenty. I was recounting a memory to an old friend, however they didn’t remember this particular story. I was devastated. I didn’t tell them, but it immediately made my think of the age-old question – ‘if a tree falls in the woods, and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound?’ Am I only what people remember me as? 

I don’t have a big family, just mom and I, really. To clarify, I'm talking about immediate blood family that is to say. Right now, my posterity is dependant upon you, my friends. I think a lot of folks would call me an extrovert, but in reality, I think I’m just and introvert trying to climb out of my box. . Although, my kindergarten did tell my mom that I 1) talked too much 2) hugged people too much. Okay, so maybe I’ve spent years suppressing my extroverted-ness. (I do look really creepy in this picture.)

My point is, I really just want to connect with folks. If I feel a connection to you, I want to let you know. I want to be a positive part of your life; a memorable part of your life. I’ll usually try to make you laugh. Laughing soothes my soul.

I think this post maybe a blog fail, honestly. Just wanted to say thank you to those who’ve read some of my latest post, and thank you for your comments and emails. It’s very much appreciated. I’d say probably every eight out of ten visitors, ‘I love ya’ll very much, and no I won’t stop yelling, cause that I’ll mean I lost the fight.’ – Kenny Powers. 

Have you ever seen a squonk's tears?

The blog train has been chugging along very slowly this week. For whatever reason, it's been really hard to concentrate over the past several days. I can blame some of it on an unwelcome stomach bug that crane kicked my Thanksgiving, but other than that, probably just stress.

In the meantime, I'm aware that it wouldn't hurt to lighten the mood here at the 'roach'.

A few months ago, I posted a series of video promos I did for one of our artists 'The Apache Relay', for their August residency at The End here in Nashville. The band was kind enough to give me creative liberty with the videos which allowed me indulge my love of retro television and video games. I realized the other night that I never posted the final, and perhaps my favorite of the promos.

The quotes about the band were really taken from reviews of 'Scott Pilgrim vs. The World', altered and given fake names and publications. Probably not legal, I know.

My favorite part of the video is the final twenty seconds. The idea came to me while editing, and like usual, I was really just entertaining myself and couldn't stop laughing. And yes, the voice is mine. You have no idea how many takes it took for me to get this right.

I Think I'm Bleeding Inside My Chest.

Once again, it's Friday night. This week I've made the conscious decision to shut my computer and unplug from the hustle and bustle of my cyber life. Now, after one crappy movie and stellar bottle of wine, I find myself once again being all computery and stuff.
 
For whatever reason,  I can't shut my brain off these days. It's constantly on 11 (Spinal Tap reference). Work, life, world domination, it's all just swirling around in my head and I can't find any peace. Even sleeping has been difficult lately, despite exercise and the steady nightcap.

Tonight I'm bothered, and more so annoyed. As I lie here with my trusty pup Brodie, even his steady Darth Vader breathing can't calm me. As we both attempt to watch this terrible movie, I'm really trying to balance all the thoughts and feelings bouncing around my melon. Searching for some sort of clarity or center, but it's just not there.

 

 

I've not really be a fan of myself recently. No cheers for me, especially over the past few weeks. I worry that I've become emotionally needy, but I think I'm really just trying to distract myself from getting to the bottom of a few issues. I already spilled my gut (wait for it… ba dump dump) earlier this week, and even though it hasn't put a complete stop to my 'Dead Man Walking' jokes, I do feel somewhat better.

With that said, maybe it's time I approach another hot button topic with the same sort of honesty. Yep, that's right, my age.

I make a lot of comments about my age, especially since I'm fortunate and spend the majority of my time with people that are quite a bit younger than me. I make stupid jokes about hip replacements and peeing frequently, to which everyone responds, 'stop it, you're not old'. '35 isn't old'.

Well, early to mid 20's person, you're right - to some degree. But, I saw The Goonies, Top Gun, Ghostbusters, and the original Star Wars trilogy in the theater. So, already, we're a lifetime apart.




Am I struggling with getting older? Hells yes, I am.

Some folks get older and focus on regrets, things they didn't do, or things they should of done differently. Not me. I'm pretty happy with my journey thus far. To be honest, in a lot of ways, each year has been better then the last. While my appearance is a little different (less goobery, a few wrinkles, the added wisdom and strength of a damn Jedi), most folks will tell you that I haven't changed all that much over the years. Some would say not at all.

So, why? Why do I seem to be going kicking and screaming further into adulthood? Simple really. It's because I'm moving closer to death.

(insert Debbie Downer sound clip)


I think most people that know me, whether casually or more in depth, would probably say that I'm a laid back guy. While I am learning to live more in the moment, I've spent the majority of my life living for what's to come. Maybe it's a specific event, an overall goal, or maybe it's just a summer of awesome movies to get excited about. Regardless, I'm a dreamer. A dreamer that's now trying to co-exist with a realist, also me. Even though I've grown more comfortable living in the moments, I still experience anxiety about those moments ending.

A few posts ago, I talked a little about how the death of a parent at a young age can affect you. The affects aren't obvious at first, but with a little digging, they start to seep up to the surface.

My dad was older when he had me, but still, he had just turned 61 when he passed. I was 12. As my mother continues reaping the rewards of great genetics and drinking glasses of water poured from the fountain of youth, the death of my dad has psychologically put an expiration date on my life.

In my mind, it's not a matter of if I'll get cancer, but when. Dad was treated for a year with back pain, while the true culprit went unnoticed and untreated. I'm really not that afraid of dying, but I am afraid of dying like that.

In a lot of ways, I'm not much different then the folks that believe the Mayan calendar signals the end of the world in 2012. Compounded with this countdown to 61, is the fact that time is indeed moving by quickly. Memories of my teenage years are now 20 years old, and I have 30 year relationships with those I grew up with. Damn. I just can't process how recent my memories feel in relation to the length of time that has passed. I don't want or wish for those times again. However, my heart aches when I look in the rearview mirror and see those times continuing to fade in the distance. Much like leaving a loved one after a visit, even though they may annoy the crap out of you.

A lot of people will never read this post, but for those friends and family that do, please don't be afraid of me. I'm aware this is sorta dark. If anything, writing this forces a bit of accountability for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally okay with annoying all of you, just not myself.

Senior Chubby Stilts

After weeks of a lingering head cold, I finally decided that today was the day I call the doctor. Not that I don't like going to the doctor, I actually do. I just figured with the right amount of Nyquil, Advil, Thera-flu, and Jack Daniels, that I could just ride this puppy on out. It was not to be.

After an early morning plea for help, I finally get a call from the nurse to let me know that if I show up in next 15 minutes, they can work me in. No time to debate. 'Yes m'am' I said, grabbing my coat and scarf as I slid down the Batpole and made my way to the Batmobile.

Rolling toward Vanderbilt, I start to feel a bit nervous. I didn't think it was cancer, however, I always worry about that. I wasn't even concerned about the shot I was about to get. Hell, I was requesting that. No, the since of dread that was slowly overtaking me came from the fear of knowing that I had to step on the scale. More so, what that scale would say.

I'm not sure what's worse. Those digital scales, or the manual ones. You know, the ones where they just keep moving those damn little weights over until they have enough lead to balance you out. Well, my vote goes for the manual one. As I try for a moment to convince myself that my scarf weighs 25 pounds, I can feel the foundation starting to shake under my home of self confidence. I'm straining to hold it up, like that time that Superman pushed Lex Luthor's island hideout into space. However, I'm weak, and lack of self confidence is my kryptonite.

You hear a lot of talk regarding the negative affects of body image on females. Well, us males have feelings too. Especially someone like me that was raised by his mother.

Leaving the doctor's office, I immediately begin to feel 17 again. Okay, more like anytime between the years of 13 and 21.

As a rule, I try to make a conscious effort to not be self depreciating. It's not always easy and sometimes it's just damn near impossible. However, I know that people don't care to hear it, and it doesn't make them feel attracted to you. I will admit to going fishing a time or two for compliments. But, who doesn't though, right?

To take a step back, my mom is one of the most beautiful women ever. Check out this amazing picture. Homecoming queen 1957. It looks like something out of a movie. Still, as pretty as she was, she still struggled with self-confidence issues. To some degree, I think it does start there, with the parent. It may not be genetic, but I think it is passed down.

Let's be clear though. I wasn't blessed with my mother's beauty. That's just a fact. When my prepubescent years began, I was sporting acne, slumped shoulders, and what folks referred to as a bird chest. As I went into high school, my head got bigger and my body got skinnier. At that point, I just started to just retreat and take up residence in my head. When I did ask a girl out, it became more like an event. Oh the stories I can tell.

I think some of this relates to my previous post. I began to find/create self confidence in my music. But, in the end, those two became closely intertwined, resulting in negative effects on both my self confidence and my music.

 Several years after high school however,  I decided that I was done being skinny and I went on an eating tirade. This was probably about the time my metabolism started to slow, and I gained 80 pounds in one year. Sounds scary, eh? Well, after being skinny all my life, I was feeling great. I wasn't 'bird chest' anymore. It wasn't until I started seeing pictures of myself, that I realized my perception was not quite reality.

Ironically, I was feeling self confident. However, the reality was that I probably looked the worst I'd ever looked. I even had sort of a mullet. The time had come where I needed to find balance. For the next 5 years I consistently worked out, and when I hit 30, I was probably in the best physical, mental, and emotional shape of my life. All this even culminated in my first half marathon, which was no easy feat for me.

After the half marathon, I managed to keep up my running throughout the next year. I was really happy, not to mention confident. While training for the half marathon the following year, I couldn't fight a pain in my hip and ended up in a place I know all to well - physical therapy. They love me there, but that's another story.



Since then, I've failed at getting back in a regular exercise routine. I've been close, don't get me wrong, but I haven't been able to gain traction.

Despite some weight gain, I've generally felt pretty good about myself over the past year. However, the elevator ride down from the Doctor's office to the parking garage paralleled the feeling of my spirit spiraling toward the gutter.



I guess we're all fighting certain external forces that have shaped who we are. Some are traumatic, some are subtle. Some are genetics, and some are baggage handed down from generation to generation. Sometimes, just recognizing and accepting these things for what they are can be the first step in moving past them.

All that said, I don't want to call my shot, but I'm looking at being ready for a certain event this Spring. I'll keep you posted. Lots of work to do.